Vultures, Wotcha-Wossers and Lurkers.

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Filed under: Articles, General — Norfolk Wolf

This is going to be an on-going list of all the characters that you are likely to meet when involved in the harmless activity known as metal detecting. I have already given a name to the “ask it, take it, but can’t be bothered to think about it brigade”, (microwave detectorists) in a previous blog.
The Vulture is aptly named, I came across this species when attending a few rallies in the recent years. Most detectorists at these weekend events go along for the social side, meeting up with old acquaintances from previous rallies and making new pals. A few days detecting with the promise of a few if any, really decent finds; three or four hammered over the weekend puts you amongst the elite. I arrived at this particular field a bit later than the starting time and spent a few minutes looking at the detectorists spread all over the lanscape; heads down, swinging away and listening intently for that all elusive signal. It was then that I noticed one or two that were swinging the coil but with their heads up, they seemed to be paying more attention to other detectorists’ activity than they were their own. One guy in their field of vision started digging, and then not far from him so did someone else. Their activity galvanised this pair of vultures into action. Christ, they were like a couple of Jap zeros coming out of the sun; they descended on the other poor unfortunates detecting space, on the off chance that something might be found easier than searching for it themselves. Having noticed it for the first time, it became more apparent and I’ve found that this is going on at all the rallies. The rally organisers should issue shotguns with the tickets, so if you don’t have much luck in the detecting stakes, you will at least have the chance of bagging yourself a vulture to take home as a trophy.
The Wosser is quite harmless, but can develop into a pain in the arse if allowed. You might be engaged in conversation with your friend and debating the merits of his most recent find when Wosser comes along and without a by-your-leave interrupts with, “Wotcha got then?” On being shown the article he asks “ Woss that then?” On being told, his next attempt at verbosity is, “Woss it werf then?” “Where’dja find it?” “Wotcha goin’ tuh do wiv it, sell it?”
“Woss the best place tuh get rid of the gear you find then?” You know that the “find” if good; the news of it will spread like wildfire around the rally site. Like I said harmless, but can become a pain in the proverbial.
The Lurker has a very similar modus operandi to the vulture, but this ones action is more sly and operates at much closer quarters. He generally appears alongside whilst your in the process of digging out your find and engages you in conversation. Meanwhile, he’s swinging his detector a couple of feet or so from your spoil heap from the hole! When given a small tirade of the best Anglo Saxon, he develops a look of hurt surprise that you should even think it of him! Normally, a few more choice Saxon verbs with a liberal brandishing of the digging implement, encourages this parasite to depart.
I will be adding to the list, if any of you out there have any, feel free to add to them.
Here’s one from the “old yankee mettler”
The Chatter. They’re so sociable that they spend more time talking about detecting than actually engaging in it, and bother the bejeezus out of you with idle banter and a plethora of questions. Questions about their detectors, your detector, the best detector, etc, so that neither of you get any actual detecting done. Mind you, I enjoy comraderie while looking for buried delights, but detecting is rather a solitary pursuit most of the time, and for crissakes it’s impossible to hear a signal when there’s a Chatter glued next to you like a shadow.

Thanks Old Yankee,To rid yourself of these pests you need to fall back on the old tried and tested standby. Make out that you are a bit Mutt and Jeff (deaf), cup your hand to your ear and beckon them very close, no,closer still. That’s it, now turn to speak to him and when two inches from his lug-hole use your very loudest and best oratory voice (for maximum effect) and suggest in no uncertain terms that it would be decidedly in his interest that he took an immediate sexual holiday away from the vicinity. Although an old language, the distinct two worded phraseology in the Saxon vernacular is still the most universally understood! However a few words of caution are needed. Under no circumstances attempt this ploy if the guy looks bigger, fitter, stronger or younger than you! John